Confession Time: Size does Matter! - The Power of Apology and Devotion in Buddhism.

Hi, and thank you for returning. I (almost) wouldn't have blamed you if you hadn't. Firstly, I just want to make an apology and take ownership of a few minor indiscretions. A few months ago, I promised regular readers that I would write shorter, more concise posts, skilfully offering a few reflections on the topic at hand. My intention was to provide an authentically modern and Buddhist perspective on whatever we were considering before opening up the forum for you, dear reader, to post your own reflections in the 'comments' box at the bottom of the page. I feel that in many ways I have strayed from this brief, and ironically with my lengthy posts, fallen short of the mark. Sorry about that. The monkey learns... 

Speaking of monkeys, I'm afraid I may have done them a disservice too. I regret that in my last post I allowed frustration to seep in, and I want to acknowledge making one or two comments which were not entirely skilful or professional. For example, the British Chancellor of the Exchequer, George Osbourne, I referred to as "a strategically-shaved ape". My intention was to highlight that here in Britain many people seem to passively accept our economy being governed by a man who has no qualifications to do the job. Many people aren't aware of this, and many others don't care. It's a real shame, and the fact deserves wider recognition. I wish to stay true to my beliefs, and to raise awareness of things like this, but want to avoid any undue malice in the process. I'm sorry George, but with all due respect, if any, it's hard to see how you are the best man for the job. This man, by the way, earns £145,000 a year, has a personal fortune of at least £5m just from shares in his family business, and has created a tax system whereby (surprise, surprise) he isn't even considered a 'top-rate earner". He then tells the people of Britain that "we are all in it together"... Hence I stand by my position, and so to all tree-dwelling primates out there, please forgive me.

Let the facts speak for themselves... Enough said.

I accused many people of treating their opinions as facts, and of allowing the baubles of our modern consumerist society to rob them of their capacity for self-awareness. On this occasion, in the heat of the moment, I wasn't much better. In an age where many people struggle to find 10 minutes to meditate, why I am writing articles which take 30 minutes to read? Up with this I shall not put! On reflection, I can now see how the message is in danger of getting lost. In the future I will try and present you with easily digestible, bite-size nibbles, leaving you savouring my Dharma-Dunkers, rather than gagging on the foot-long Krispy-Kreme of Truth, if you pardon my rather phallic metaphor...

Sadly, only one or two people pointed this short-coming out. I think it's safe to concede that I wasn't overly harsh but in keeping with the last post, I'd like to point out an obvious irony here: in an article intended to inspire clear thinking, I acted rather mindlessly. That being said, having to point out my own failings to others suggests that I am not entirely wrong in my assessment: the constant bombardment of distractions in modern life make it hard to live life with full attention.  

I know a lot of you may think I am being unduly harsh on myself, but I say these things in an air of kindness, and Nag Champa so all is well. If you choose to try confession yourself, please remember this is NOT an exercise in self-flagellation or trying to make oneself feel bad or guilty. For some, this can be a slippery slope, and above all else, you've always got to be kind to yourself, whatever you are faced with in life. It's all about self-Metta, first and foremost, and it can work alongside contrition. The whole point of the exercise is to gently bring awareness to the discrepancy, however slight, between one's actions and one's ideals.  But such is the strength of my desire to grow, to leave my old habits abandoned at the roadside of life, like unskilful snake-skin, that I set the bar very high indeed. In fact, the bar is ALWAYS being raised, the skin is always being shed. Always be realistic, and never defeatist - you will never conquer yourself by hatred, only by love. 

Ideally, I would like to be moving towards a level of self-awareness whereby I am not reliant on others to point out any transgressions of the five precepts. Hurtful, unskilful actions of body, speech and mind need acknowledging to oneself at least, and going further, in Buddhism a public confession to your peers and spiritually more experienced friends is considered the best way to strengthen one's desire to learn from the experience and change for the better. It really works too, trust me. As I write, the slight (and it is only slight) sting of shame is fast being replaced with an inspiring and positive mustering of my energies, to their very depths. The "Confession of Faults" is an integral part of both our practice and Puja (devotional ceremonies, pronounced 'poo-jah') in the Triratna Buddhist Order, and I am keen to engage the sub-rational, emotional aspect of my being with the intention of growing beyond myself. 

This is the point of Puja and devotion in Buddhism and explains the disparity between our higher aspirations and our actions; Man is not just his or her intellect or rational conscious thoughts. If we plumb the very depths of human nature, we see that there is another dimension to us as beings, possibly much larger than we care to admit. Aside from our reason, our theory, our intellectual knowledge of the Dharma and of life in general, we are also comprised of our emotions, our deeper volitions, and this part is often more unconscious than conscious. Our founder, the Ven. Urgyen Sangharakshita, discusses this in a brilliant series of talks on the Noble Eightfold path, again available on www.freebuddhistaudio.com (click here for the link to download the talks for free, I implore you!). The following, I feel, is very, very true of our emotional core...

(above) Sangharakshita in the early 60's, during his tutorship under Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche, 

one of great Masters of the last century. Let no person question the authenticity or the lineage of 

the Triratna Buddhist Order (formerly known as the FWBO).

"It's obvious that we cannot just go against our emotions. The emotions are stronger than reason. If we want to put into practice what we know to be right, what we know to be true, we have to enlist, in one way or another, the cooperation of the emotions. We have to be able to tap those deeper sources within ourselves and harness them also, so that we may implement what we know to be right and true. Only then shall we be able to put what we know into actual practice. And this we may say, in a sense, is the central problem for most people... to find emotional equivalents for our intellectual understanding... Until we have done that, no further spiritual progress is possible."

How often do we fail to achieve something because 'our heart is not in it?' This is the whole point of confession and apology, of poetry and devotion in Buddhism; over time, to bring the emotions gradually in line with our abstract, intellectual knowledge. The following, taken from our Puja itself and arranged by Sangharakshita, is from chapter II of Shantideva's 'Bodhicaryavatara':

CONFESSION OF FAULTS:

The evil which I have heaped up, 

Through my ignorance and foolishness - 

Evil in the world of everyday experience, 

As well as evil in understanding and intelligence -

      All that I acknowledge to the Protectors. 

Standing before them 

With hands raised in reverence, 

And terrified of suffering, 

I pay salutations again and again. 

May the leaders receive this kindly, 

Just as it is, with its many faults! 

What is not good, O Protectors, 

I shall not do again.

Please note: here the word 'evil' is not meant in the Islamic or Judeo-Christian understanding of the word, but rather, in the sense of a volitional fault or unskillful action; that which leads directly, or through a lack of mindfulness to harm to either others, oneself, or both. We need to asses our own intentions when compassionately reflecting on our actions and retrospectively discerning 'good' from 'bad', skilful (Kusala) from unskilful (Akusala). When I recite the above verses and engage with them fully, the results can often be electrifying and deeply moving, with far reaching implications, so long as I 'get out of the way' and allow them to be so.

Myself performing Puja at the Triratna International Retreat 2012. Boom - Puja Power!

I know I don't need to be cruel to be funny, but why do people feel the need to be funny in the first place? For my sake as much as anybody else's, it's worth briefly investigating. For me, on here, is it ultimately coming from a sincere desire to inform with a smile, to help others, to satirise - yes, very much so. That being said, I am also aware that part of my conditioning (I am the eldest of five children) means that I do have an insecure streak, much as admitting it feels a bit uncomfortable. Like most people I am keen to be liked, to be affirmed as worthwhile, but in addition to this, I desire to be widely read, and of this I need to be mindful. Other writers make careers out of snide, harsh, sensationalist comments, but I am better than that.

Going further, when I examine my motivation behind the desire to be a professional writer at all, I happily discover that the intention is skilfull - I just want to make the Dharma available to beings, and I'm sure you'll agree that there's worse things to invest your time and energies in. Land wars in the middle east, for example. It's all part of my learning curve, of maturing as a writer, so thank you for bearing with me. When I attempted to make an audio recording of my previous post, a podcast for a blind friend of mine, it took HALF AN HOUR to read. If this were a book, that would be normal for a chapter, but this isn't a book, it's a blog. I hope that one day I might be published, as I feel compelled to give the gift of the Dharma, and frankly the wider the audience, the better. But I would rather this manifested, if at all, based on my capacity as a writer and your support for my cause, rather than stemming from a neurotic desire to be liked. 

I hope this post has clarified how we can compassionately learn from our mistakes and after which just get on with actually living our lives - it doesn't pay to spend too much time over-analysing everything. I hope you share your thoughts with others, creating ripples of positivity and across the world. I like to provide a bit of comic relief and a place online whereby people can learn about the Three Jewels of Buddha, Dharma and Sangha in an environment which is not po-faced or pretentious. I am happy to bear my warts and all, admit my limitations and am keen for this blog to remain tongue-in-cheek, irreverent and iconoclastic. I share my thoughts, albeit with their obvious subjective faults, as an offering to you, so that you too may take the issues raised, and turn them over in your own mind and come to your own conclusions, much as did I in writing them. 

The Power of Confession has long been acknowledged as in integral part of the integration process, as the words suggest, and can be found in every form of transformative psychology and spirituality. 

Thus I come to the end of this post. There is much more I could have said, but I'll leave it there, for now. I will, from this point onwards, make a concerted effort to remain upbeat and kind, taking the subject seriously but holding it lightly. It's a good practice for life in general, as is keeping it short and sweet, and I do encourage people to share their thoughts below, should you have any. Do you have any particular problems you wish to discuss or for me to consider and write about? Do you find a discrepancy between your words and deeds, between your intellectual understanding of the Dharma and it's practical application? If so. how do you deal with it? Believe me, I am very interested in your experiences. We all practice differently, and looking at my 'stats' page, we have visitors here from LITERALLY all over the world, Brisbane to Beijing, London to Lisbon, New York to.. Well... Just plain old York. This is why I urge you consider sharing this using the new links at the top of the page: Beings WILL benefit, and who knows what immeasurable good could come of it...? Exciting stuff, huh? 

Wherever we are, and by whatever means work for us, if we can all keep raising the bar, if we can all take each day as it comes and simply try and become a slightly kinder person to ourselves and others than we were yesterday then it's a hell of a start. Then we can all, one by one, step by step, move ever-closer to that dream of universal emancipation for all beings, in love and peace. My word count is finite, but your potential is limitless - never forget that!

Yours, feeling inspired,

The Dharma-Farmer xx

May any merit gained in my acting thus go to the benefit of all beings.

May we all get better at compassionately critiquing our deeds, and in kindness, getting on with life.

May we all be able to hold up the unstained mirror of truth to ourselves and others. And vote more conscientiously.