New Years Resolutions: To Be or Not To Be (a better person)...

This kind of attitude helps no-one to grow... I want you to succeed! Your friends will be better off for it!

Hi guys, Happy New Year! Welcome to 2014, and should you choose it to be, the first day of the rest of your life. Ok, maybe that is overstating it, but for some at least, myself included, New Years Day offers us a magical opportunity to cast a critical eye over the prior 12 months, with a view to hopefully gaining a panoramic perspective on both our triumphs and tribulations. Making sense of the madness within to reconcile the lunacy without, and visa versa, as it were. Many people do make significant changes this time of year, and several people I know have decided to give up smoking or immoderate chocolate usage, or have joined the gym (not all at once), and to them I say "good luck, each and every one of you!" I mean that. It would be far too easy to by the cynic here. I was going to do just that in fact, but it's one of my resolutions not to. 

New Years Resolutions…They are funny old things aren't they? In the frozen darkness of December we earnestly scan the horizon with beseeching eyes for the approaching glimmer of January 1st, and bravely step forth into a new era, hitherto unknown. The reasons I champion New Years resolutions are two fold: No. 1 - I want people to believe in and develop the skills to change themselves for the better. No. 2 - I want to do the same myself. After all, for Buddhists, isn't that what it's all about? Bettering ourselves in a few tiny ways every day, amounting to millions of tiny changes year by year. Holding our heads up high, knowing we are taking the fabled "Noble Path" through life. It's a heroic thing to do, to try and better yourself. So much in fact that the Buddha himself said in the Dhammapada:

"Better than a thousand meaningless words

is a single meaningful word which upon hearing, one becomes tranquil...

Though one may conquer thousands in battle,

those who conquers themselves are truly the greatest."

So how do I plan to conquer myself this year..? Well, the first thing I wanted to do in relation to this blog was to try and be less cynical, as I've already mentioned. I know I can let my past and present conditioning affect how I write, and for that, I want to take full responsibility if I have written anything which has offended anyone. That being said, I know that some of my views are certainly in keeping with contemporary and historical Buddhist teachings, and of those teachings, I can offer no apology if they don't quite fit with your world viewpoint. They are just beliefs, and that's totally cool if you hold different ones, but hey, we are here for such a brief time in this life, I think it's even cooler if we can learn to share those ideas. We can use modern technology connect sincerely with others, and get better at it, not just swap pictures of kittens. As long as in our communication with others we feel as though we are resonating with and honouring something deep within us, acting true to our innermost beliefs, that's what really matters; inner harmony. 

So, I ask myself, what else can I do to create more of this so-called inner harmony?  How can I make my life easier, less stressful, less neurotic or angst-ridden at times? These are the questions we need to be asking ourselves, but the best one of all, surely is: "What can I do today that my future self will thank me for?" It's something a close friend said recently, whilst discussing how she was sick of living life annoyed at herself, of constantly berating herself for being lazy and for misplacing things. She had realised that much of her life's stress was caused by not doing things in the present moment that her future self would be "well grateful for!" This then has a direct bearing on her self esteem, she said. She hit the nail on the head, truth be told. Thats the key to it all, right there. Conditioned co-production or Dependant Origination are the traditional Western translations of the Buddhas teaching of "Pratitiya Samutpada". The basics of it all, as I have explained in other posts, is simply that because all actions have an consequence, and all phenomenon or 'things' are made up of a combination of other things, or dependant on them, what we do or are today creates who we become tomorrow, or sooner. Here was a typical example of mine, and still is to a lesser extent (hey, I'm trying): 

Why do we so rarely make life easier for ourselves..? 

If I wake up and skip breakfast, I will get a bit light headed and hungry by lunch time. It also makes my painkillers less effective, and often I'm in so much pain when I wake up the very thought of food makes me feel sick. By the time it get to lunch, I have another choice; if I again skip a proper meal and just have some toast, then I'm not feeding my body the nutrients I need, but it means less hassle and less pain stood up in the kitchen. I might make a slice of toast because I'm feeling tired and lazy, because I was up the night before, writing this blog say, til 5am, unable to sleep because of the pain from an injury sustained 20 years ago. Some things are very much beyond changing, and although I can't change the past, I can take responsibility and accountability for my future. Meanwhile, back to my toast. If I eat the toast with chocolate spread, I will cause the cavities in my teeth to fizz angrily, and require extra brushing later that night. So I go for the cheese option, maybe. The cheese option... Mmmmmm... I'm a bit hungry by now, and less aware of my cravings spiralling out of control. My thoughts skip by so quickly I can hardly keep up with them, like a monkey swinging from vine to vine in a fruit tree, grabbing whatever's within reach. This is why in many Buddhist traditions, our consciousness is sometimes referred to as a "Monkey Mind" - restless, insatiable, and discarding things as quickly as it seizes upon them. Mine kinda sounds like this:

 "OK Ok ok Ok.... ERRRRRRR... Got my toast... now... Cheese...! YES!! Brie?? Stilton??... Er... BOTH!! MMMMMMM... hehe I'm so naughty! But I deserve it, I'm so tired after all, and I need a pick-me-up... No guilt! Bit of Branston pickle... and mayonaise... go nuts man...! Black pepper... Crunch it all over, good, good, gooooood... oh, and a slice of tomato or two... Yep... Close that bad boy up... oops, bit of overspill, nevermind, I'll grate it over the top too!... In the microwave she goes... Cup of tea.. two sugars... oh, why not... three... Feeling pretty tired after all... *ding*.... Ah... smells GREAT!! REALLY ravenous now...." 

I hobble back to the sofa, ease myself down, and lustfully lunge face first for my steaming plate of gooey, dribbley promise, a false economy on white bread...

Sweet Jesus... It's like an orgy in my mouth...!

Oh wow, It's so good! Before I know it, I am inhaling it, not even tasting it any more, just consumed by a crazed animal cheese-lust! With ever-widening eyes and dilated pupils, I reach for the second half and cram another mouthful in, glued to the computer screen, as Tony Robinson and the 'Time Team' crew unearth yet more Roman pottery from gardens in the home counties... 

Suddenly I look down at the plate. I freeze... I only have one bite left! What the..?! I look at the forlorn remnants of my 'meal'... There's brown pickle on my knuckles, and possibly some in my eyebrows too... I dust a few crumbs of cheese from my moustache, and half pull out, half mash in a few trickier ones deeper within the recesses of my facial plumage. Sadly, I realise that I haven't really eaten that... I may have ingested it, but I certainly didn't really take in the sandwich, if you see what I mean. I feel a sense of loss. No more sandwich... Gutted! I can't be bothered making another either... I mournfully chew over the last bite, rueing and lamenting an opportunity to be more mindful... It wasn't that nice anyway... Bit rich now I come to think about it... Extra garlic paste was a bad, bad call, brother! I feel sick. The cheese sweats come on fast, as my blood sugar takes off like a 50's Soviet test launch. Just as tragically, my trajectory is way, way out, also... I spend the next hour feeling sick, bloated, and on edge after I over-stewed the tea on account of being overly involved in the finer intricacies of ruining breaded snacks. Then the crash comes, and I can't move off the sofa. Now, in addition to all this, having being hunched so terminally over the sandwich whilst plumping my jowls like some disturbing, hairy squirrel, to add to my woes I now have more back and leg pains. I take more medication, and within half an hour, I'm back to feeling nauseous again, followed by stupidly and mental regression. A pathetically drowsy state induced by the meds, I can neither walk about nor think straight, so back to streaming 90's archeology shows it is then, whilst time drips wasted through my fingers like melting snow... And so on...

The "Time Team' (l-r): the late Dr, Mick Ashton, Dr, Phil Harding and presenter Tony Robinson
- gone but not forgotten Mick! 20 years of the most British TV ever... I still dig it!

You see how everything ties in? If I wasn't tired from staying up late, unable to sleep, I would be less lazy in the morning. I would make a proper breakfast, I know I need to. Granted, it's when the pain is at it's most intense, but I just need to man up a bit and take the pain whilst I get my self settled for a more productive day. If I eat breakfast, my first lots of painkillers work better and more effectively. Sure, I still get the nausea and the numb, drifty feeling for a while, but it's a bit less intense, and certainly passes within an hour or two. Although I might by midday be in some pain still, it would be lessened significantly and perhaps as a result I'd make a proper lunch, eat it mindfully, and really enjoy it. I could at least microwave some home-made soup, and perhaps instead of numbing my brain with endless 4OD or iPlayer series, why not read something dharmic, or listen to more Buddhist talks? The clarinet may be out because of the posture I need to get a sound out of it, but maybe I do something PRODUCTIVE at any rate. Something that produces a positive effect in my life. I could even sit there and do nothing at all, and se what happens. But, sadly of course, I don't, I just reach for my phone and check my emails, Facebook, this blog etc. 

I'm constantly distracted from distraction by other distractions, incessantly chasing something for the mind to consume, to appropriate as it's own. That's what boredom is - ego starvation. Our egos like to have something going on at all times, and when we don't have that, when we are not involved in something, we get bored. Well, that's another resolution right there; be more bored! See what happens... Effectively, by just sitting there, you are meditating... Just staring out into the room, gaze half lowered, for 10 minutes, perhaps following your breath will at least lower your blood pressure. Allowing thoughts to break like waves upon the beaches of your mind can make a big difference to your day. Letting them come and go, washing over you and receding again, realising the limitation to the extent they are 'real', you can begin to feel more relaxed, more porous and open to life. By gently observing our thoughts, not engaging with them or chasing after them, but instead letting them drift through us and away again... A remarkable stillness comes of this. It's what we in Triratna call "Just Sitting", and I plan to do much more of it every day. Just to see what happens.

Which brings me onto resolution number three, the most important of all: Test life more! 

Thats is what it's all about guys! Testing life for ourselves is one of the key messages of the Buddha. 

"Do not believe things just because I tell them to you. Be a lamp unto yourself, an island which no flood can overwhelm. 'Ehi Passiko' - Come and see, for yourself!" 

What this means for us, some 2,500 years later, is vital. We have to actually try and do things right now, in the present moment, for which we will be really grateful in the future. We need to be kind to our future self. Whether that's quitting smoking, cutting back the booze, diatry changes, being kinder to ourselves or more honest with people, whatever it is, we really can only do it in the here and now, and by going against any of the above, we are only creating future suffering for ourselves. Fact! We have to change now, make a conscious decision to alter the course of our lives. We have a choice in the matter. We can test our lives, and in some instances, such as our waistlines, literally measure our progress. We owe it to ourselves to try. It can be pretty fun actually, maybe see it as a science experiment on yourself even!

Take drinking alcohol, an example I have considerable experience in. If we are sick of waking up with hangovers on that dreaded 'morning-after-the-night-before', we can start to drink a few pint of water before bed. Even if we don't drink less, at least we will be making sure our brains get less dehydrated during the night, and we feel less awful the next day. If we have managed to drink on a full stomach (as opposed to an empty one, a breeding ground for ulcers-yet-to-be, by the way) we can lessen the blow even more so. Of course, perhaps we cut down on the booze a bit? If we drink during the week, perhaps set a few days off, or even give it a rest the whole week before resuming the obliteration of brain cells Fridays and Saturdays? You will find that although you initially feel a bit weird drinking tea on a wednesday at 8pm whist watching Aliens, it passes soon enough. Ridley Scott is that good. Suddenly, you are sleeping better, per chance your dreams are more vivid and memorable too. You feel more rested because your body isn't having to force toxic excretions through your liver all night. Not to put too fine a point on it folks, but if your urine is usually cloudy, dark and "wheaty" (as an old friend memorably used to put it), then you are dehydrated. If you are dehydrated, you can't think straight, if you can't think straight, things are more stressful. You get more tired and wound up during the day, and so need a drink, or possibly something 'stronger' to help you unwind after such a 'long, thankless struggle' today. Thus the cycles completes itself, starts all over again and the wheel of life is spun once more, turning uselessly on it's axis, going nowhere. You wake up dehydrated the next morning, you feel sleepy and not in any way 'up for it', and the pattern perpetuates. It's ok though, because when we test things, we can break the cycle. We can test the theory, try looking after our bodies better, drinking more water, eating less junk food and snacks for a few weeks. Sod the whole year for now, just test it in small chunks. No-one just builds a rocket straight from scratch, and likewise if we want to make our lives a vehicle for upward, higher patterns of being, we need to conduct a thousand tiny experiments first. Eventually though, we get there, and this weekend I was inspired to discover that an on January 1st, a friend celebrated 9 years booze free. Now that is something I would be proud of saying one day...

I will always be a smoker. It may be a while since my last cigarette, and one day I hope it will be 40 years since my last one, but I will always be a smoker. It's just been a while, thats all. That attitude helps me come to terms with it, and reminds me why of all the people to quit cigarettes or weed, smokers are the ones who need to do so the most! We all want nice things to happen to us, it's a universal desire for all life on earth. We desire long, happy, healthy and at least comfortably affluent lives, free from anxiety and heartache, poverty and ill-health. We may also want a partner, or a different kind of partner, or no partner at all, but as that not a prerequisite for happiness, I'll leave that for another time, if that ok? We want also to feel good about ourselves. Why on earth would we do things today that we know for a fact will hurt us in the future? We need to really think about our future self, and act according to their needs, out of kindness for the person we wish to become. We certainly don't want to look in the mirror and feel fundamental displeasure at the results. If we feel we could loose a pinch here or there, or indeed whole fist-fulls of extra 'us', then how do we go about it? Lower our calorie intake, and increase our calorie expenditure i.e. exercise more. Take the stairs at work, go for a walk on your lunch break if possible, traverse to the off-licence on foot - wherever you see an opportunity to elevate the heart rate (note to those of you in relationships, sex burns stupid amounts of calories!!) - do it! Put down the fork! Eat smaller portions, and if you really can't at first do it, try at least healthier, similar sized portions. Cut out cheese, whatever, be creative. 

Test life!

If you are a smoker, stop, or cut back, for goodness sake! Not only will you smell better, have more cash in the kitty and be less offensive in public areas (and no-on wants to feel like a pariah), if you can break the habit before 30, your body will, albeit after a further 30 years, have fully healed itself! Isn't that magical? As if you had never smoked! Plus, it's something to be really proud of, and like Ewan McGreggor in 'Trainspotting', you chose life! Your chances of heart disease, or a stroke in a supermarket, or gasping your last in wide-eyed panic, suffocating slowly with a mask on your face, surrounded by junior doctors... All are reduced by staggering amounts if you quit, often to the same risk level as a none smoker, given enough time. Your taste will improve almost overnight, your blood pressure will drop, and although the anxiety receptors in your brain will start to nag if you pay them too much heed, they too eventually get bored and disappear within a few days. Keeping it going is all about positive re-enforcement. If we can feel good about the changes we make, about saving 'x amount' each week or feeling less like killing all humans in the morning, then it's a great start. We can 'see the weight drop off', as some adverts would have it, and we can feel proud of ourselves. Whatever we want to change about ourselves, we really just need to look at those pre-existing factors required for that to happen, and set about it. If the change is something to do with a job, or partner, basically something involving other people, we just have to be patient - after all, we can change ourselves and somethings are beyond our direct control. The Dharma cannot be seen as a magical formula to follow to get riches or get laid, but the principles are sound, we just need to be clear why we want certain things, and be careful what we wish for, as they say. We need to make sure that we change into more skilful, kind, honest, ethical people. Most of us already are trying to live by some kind of moral code, but there is always room for improvement, becoming a little more contented in life, a little happier, more tranquil perhaps? 

When someone says "I don't need to change" I can't help but wish they would...
If you think you are good the way you are then what are you doing reading this?

We simply need to set achievable goals, and work towards them, but we all know that, right?Whatever we resolve to do this year, whatever little goals we set out to achieve, let them be to the benefit of ourselves and others. If we needs to get a pen an paper out and do it the old fashioned way then so be it. Draw a line down the centre, and the left hand side, entitle "Things I like about myself/my life",  and on the right, "Things I would change about myself/my life". Be really honest, no one needs see it. Try and do it whatever your mood, but be kind to yourself. If you feel lonely at times, write it down. If you wish you weren't a smoker, or weighed less, or was less angry at times, then say so. With regards to the the positive things in your life, be just as honest, and really look for things to feel gratitude for. When finished, or at least have a few in each column, then pin it to your fridge or tack it to a prominent place in the house. Use it as a reminder that now is the only time we can change. Take one of those things you would like to change, cross it off and in the opposite column, write what you are doing to counter it, even if it's as simple as "I'm changing my eating habits so I feel better about myself". Then, whenever you are feeling low or tempted to give into forbidden fruit of any kind, just look at that list, and remember that if you back slide too much, you will eventually hate yourself for it. It it worth it? We need to understand that change, real, lasting change, is a gradual thing, and a complete reconfigurations of attitudes, behaviours and learned habits will not happen overnight. In short, a fundamental and permanent shift in our perception of ourselves and the world is a huge undertaking, and it's so important to remember that. Rather than feel overwhelmed at the task in hand, I find it can be quite inspiring, imagining your potential, like looking up to distant, snow-flecked peaks, crampons in hand... Overhauling how you perceive yourself is one of the biggest and most important changes you can make, and a great positive re-enforcer when we are looking to keep up the great work.

Hence this is why I applaud those who have made resolutions. I think it's so important to get behind our friends who are doing these life changing things. Today you might lay off the crap food and alcohol, tomorrow you might go for a jog, but in three years time you could be collecting sponsor money for a charity fun run! Can you imagine being that person? If so, do it, I intend to, as soon as I'm well enough to train again (I'm am an ex long-distance runner) and I recon it will be a lot of fun. I will spend less time mashing dairy products into my facial hair and feel better about myself and the kinda guy I am. By that point I will be a reformed smoker, someone doing something to help others, getting fit and healthy, and probably being happier for a less sedentary lifestyle. And I'll be able walk more than 400 yards, the prospect of which right now fills me with wonder! It wont make me a good person, that's up to me and my capacity to test life, to make all my choices wisely in light of the results. Ultimately, that's why I'm a Buddhist: I know, beyond any reasonable doubt, that people can change their ways. We can become calmer, more gentle, open, loving creatures of delight for all we encounter. We can be the person that always gets invited to the social event, or the kind of person people can trust with their problems. We can help lift the millstone of life from round the necks of others, if just for a second, and with all the grace and enmity in our heart, show our loved ones how precious they are to us. For Buddhists, we have five areas we can work on, areas of our life whereby our decisions affect both ourselves and others. They are known collectively as the "five precepts" or "training principles" which we can vow to undertake as we tread the path to becoming a better person. We can vow to:

1. Try not to harm others/Try to be more kind to others

2. Try not to take the 'not freely given' from others/Try to be more generous to others

3. Try not to harm others through our sexual activity/Try to generate contentment in our lives

4. Try not to be dishonest or inaccurate/Try to be more honest, factual and sincere

5. Try to avoid clouding our minds with intoxicants/Try to enjoy mental clarity and awareness 

These five precepts can be read about or studied in countless books and audio talks, so I wont go into them further, but needless to say, have a think about them, I urge you. Ask yourself, "could I perhaps pick one of those things, and try it for a week or two?" See what happens, you might be surprised with the results. I'd advise looking at the right hand side of the list for inspiration, the positive expression of each precept is so much more life-affirming.

So there it is, three of my four resolutions (or should I say goals) met for today - excellent! I would like to be less cynical and pessimistic, I want to further develop my capacity to better myself and implement these changes, and I want to do it by meditating more. My fourth, by the way, I confess I think I've failed at already, fallen at the first hurdle as it were. I was hoping that after our joint Herculean efforts over Christmas of both my writing and your reading, my friend, I was rather hoping that I might be able to make my future blogs a mixture of shorter reflections and longer, in-depth analysis of themes and thoughts. This was supposed to be a shorter one! I apologise. I know you don't always have 20 minutes to spare, and I imagine people don't always want to trawl through my endless meanderings to get to the point. That was my fourth... That was my intention with this... Honest!

 Regrettably, as you can see, I'm not quite there yet, but thats why it's in the left hand column... "Try and write shorter, more succinct pieces and waffle on like an old maid less". Oh well, Rome wasn't built in a day! I'm gonna stick at it, which means lots more mini-posts on here, a change I'm intrigued by for sure. It provided less intensive work for me, and best of all, I will probably enjoy writing more if I can just share a thought or two. I want to improve as a writer, because I wan't to get better at conveying the Dharma. That's why I'd love people to feed back to me in the 'comments box' anything they would like to share, positive or negative, but always constructive, if you please. Each of these posts can take between 8 and 15 hours to do, from start to finish, and I would love a chance to better myself, so please, let me know below what if anything you enjoyed or didn't understand, so I can know where to improve or clarify something in the future. I try to keep this blog light-heated, and as I said, my intention is to assist and to point the way as I see it, not to offend or cause schisms. Your feedback is an important part of that process, and if nothing else, if you let us know where you are from, we can all maybe feel quietly gobsmacked that this is being written in Manchester, and read halfway around the world. Never before in the history of humanity have we had better platforms for sharing ideas globally, lets not miss an opportunity to help each other or be kind where possible.  

If you have made a resolution, if you are drawing a line firmly in the sand, then great! Try and make it one that gives you some room to manoeuvre if you do back-slide a bit, but don't sweat it. Try to make it realistic too, and geared towards a long term plan. Feel free to add to it and develop it as more as time goes by, like a pearl on the ocean floor. Whatever you do, stick with it. Routine is a powerful thing to get into. Remember though that real change, lasting, life-changing transformation takes time. Don't be disheartened if you don't succeed on the first go either. Even the Dalai Lama is often quoted as saying that he is a "poor Buddhist" and has "much to learn still", but as he said, "on reflection, after a while of effort I can see a few small positive changes here and there, and so I am happy!" Well, if he is ok with being a 'poor Buddhist' making small changes where he can, then so am I! So long as we try, and so long as we are wanting to change the right things for the right reasons, we can't but succeed. I think for me, rather than a New Year's Day resolution, I'm resolving to try and have a year of new days, each new gift of a day hopefully as varied and curious to traverse as the previous one. If you yourself have indeed seized the moment, if you have stepped forth into new territory, I hope you are feeling scared, exhilarated, and proud. You have every right to be, and I salute you! To be, or not to be... That is the question!

Yours, with cautiously inspired optimism,

   

The Dharma-Farmer xx



May any merit gained in my acting thus be dedicated to the alleviation of the suffering of all beings.
May we all find the inner strength to remember how strong we all are.


This article was inspired by and is dedicated to Zara. "It's All or Nothing" - Thank you!